Letter to the Editor, Special Edition

9 05 2013

My letter to the Star Tribune in response to this commentary:

Michael Ebnet’s argument against same sex marriage is flawed. Certainly there is value in a child absorbing the unique influences of both a mother and father. But more than that, a child needs unconditional love, support, and stability. A strong family provides these essential elements, whatever form it takes. What about single parents? We don’t demand that they run out and find a spouse in order to keep their children. We recognize as a society that a single parent’s situation is not everyone’s ideal, but that parent still has the right to be a parent. By the same token, it is simply unfair to deny some people the right to a family because they are not wired to marry the opposite sex.

My wife and I are a heterosexual couple seeking an open adoption. In this process we have gotten to know several gay couples, some who have adopted and some who are still waiting. They are all thoroughly kind and loving people; they are or will be excellent parents. It would be cruel and absurd to deny them the life-enriching experience of raising children. It is equally absurd to deny them the right to marry.

And here’s the snarky part I didn’t include, even though I really wanted to, but I felt it would just muddy the waters:

Ebnet goes on to raise the specter of marriages involving three or more people. But if we follow his argument to its logical conclusion, it is emphatically in favor of poly-amorous marriage. If one mother and one father is good for a child, how much better would be a mother and two fathers? Two fathers and three mothers? Imagine the wealth of “special somethings” brought by a large, diverse group of parents. Imagine the abundant energy and attention a whole team of parents could bring to a family. If Ebnet is honestly concerned about children getting a rich mix of parents, and not simply objecting to non-traditional marriage, he should be advocating for families in which the parents outnumber the children.

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